churning

It's definitely fall in Atlanta. I love it. Fall's always been my favorite season. I love the turning leaves, the blue, sunny skies, and the crisp, cool air. I get such a high from taking off on a run when it's cool enough to make your lungs burn. I forgot about this time of year in SF because there's never really a change in seasons. Here, the weather does change, so it makes fall all the more enjoyable.

I have to say, though, that I've not been able to enjoy it as much as I'd like to. I've been working a lot. School, job, homework. I can't do any of this outside and working on all this stuff takes up time that I'd normally be outside exercising or just being.

Really, my mind has been churning a lot in the last week and a half or so. Last week I would have told you I felt like a dog chasing its tail. A lot of people use the figure of speech "running around like a chicken with its head cut off'. I think that speaks to chaos and no apparent direction. I, on the other hand, have direction and wouldn't describe my life as chaotic, but I feel like I'm constantly playing catch-up. There doesn't seem to be enough time to devote to the things I want to devote to, so then I just go ahead and do it anyway, meaning that I don't study for school, and then am behind. There's got to be a balance and while I did better at other times this semester, I feel like my focus got lost while I was on fall break and I never found it once I got back.

The churning inside me never stops; days of suffering confront me. New International Version
My heart is troubled and does not rest; days of affliction come to meet me. The Amplified Bible

I've been reading through Job lately and I found this verse in 30:27 today. I know that what I've been facing lately is nothing in comparison to his issues, so it helps give me perspective. Still, I think that especially for my mom, it is relative to what my family is dealing with right now. I find that my mind really has been churning so much lately. I have so many questions and don't feel like I have answers. I feel like I'm fighting, but just can't quite get a good glimpse of my enemy. I believe God is asking to let me go of some things, but it's not easy. And then add in the information I'm supposed to be learning and retaining for school, plus normal everyday life and work... It's a lot.

I don't think that the churning is a bad thing in and of itself, but I want to be careful that I'm not perpetuating it. It can be distracting at times. And I just don't want to miss anything about where I'm at on this journey...