today

It was my intention to start this second semester of nursing school without a thought to the future. I spent the better part of 2008 wanting to be everywhere else but in Atlanta and every other nursing school but at Emory. Because I feel my heart has finally been healing and moving on, I resolved to have a different perspective on this semester. I've already been told "wow, you're almost done (with the BSN part)!", which I know is really true considering 2.5 semesters goes by fast. But I don't really want to hear it. I vowed to take this one semester at time, so that's what I have to think about. I want to be fully present here. Now.

Then I realized that in order to have summer plans, I have to start thinking about them now. I wouldn't say that it was like the pressure was in high school to go to college, but we are encouraged to do something to further our nursing skills this summer. And summer nursing externship applications are due now, not later. I've tossed around the idea of being non-traditional and finding an international experience that welcomes nursing students. Often when you get an externship, there's a job opportunity connected with it in the future, so some people are very strategic about their summer experience. But all of this takes time and attention. There went the idea of not thinking about what's next.

Last night at church, the message was about living for today- realizing that I have a limited amount of time on this earth and not getting caught up in doing things, good things, just for the sake of doing good things or checking off the box. Jesus said no to things- so should I. So I want to intentionally inventory my current life and see if there are things that I'm just doing. By seeking what are worthy ways, the best ways, to be spending my time, I'm confident I'll figure out what this summer should be about.

4Lord, make me to know my end and [to appreciate] the measure of my days--what it is; let me know and realize how frail I am [how transient is my stay here].
5Behold, You have made my days as [short as] handbreadths, and my lifetime is as nothing in Your sight. Truly every man at his best is merely a breath! Selah [pause, and think calmly of that]! Psalm 39:4-5 (Amplified Bible)