exposed

I thought I had seen and experienced a lot in SF; that very few things could phase me now. And it's not a matter of being phased, but I definitely have encountered a few people exposing themselves here in the last few weeks that make me feel sorry for them. Both of these cases were women, though I know that men are just as capable of this sort of display.

At the surface I understand the many reasons why a woman would prostitute her body publicly. It's nothing new, a complex phenomenon, and one that I don't identify with. But deep down, I wish that I could have been inside one of their minds while they were being publicly perused. I'm not sure if I would find a void of emotion, a sort of numbness that comes over her as she offers herself as eye candy. Maybe I'd find pride, afterall, she does capture attention with her figure. I wonder if there'd be even a shred of shame still, after all these times. I'm sure she'd have a keen ability to override whatever thoughts she might have that, if paid any attention, might keep her from proceeding.

The first encounter that I'm alluding to was more "harmless". It wasn't planned, and surely not for profit. To a lesser degree, I've been there and done it too. I was driving down the interstate that splits downtown through the middle. It was a Friday afternoon, so traffic was bad. I was kinda zoned out, thinking about something when out of the corner of my eye, I catch what looks like a butt. Sure enough, a handful of girls had their butts plastered to the windows of a 15 passenger van and a few more were smiling, laughing, and pointing. I turned away before I could laugh, not wanting to give them the pleasure of seeing my reaction. As I moved forward in my lane, faster than the van was moving in its lane, I saw the name of a church on the side of the van. I do remember many a tripI've taken in a rented church van, but I don't ever recall mooning innocent fellow victims to rush hour traffic. I thought for a little while about what their motivation could be and how some of the possiblities were pretty sad.

This week a friend of mine from college who also moved to CA post-undergrad was passing through the city and crashed with me for the night. Since ATL is known for its night life, among a few other things, I decided I needed to give her a proper introduction. I took her to a place that will remain unnamed, but definitely provided a better intro then I think either of us were looking for. I have to say that it made me uncomfortable for the women in that place. Images of them doing their thing have flashed across my mind this week and really have become unwelcome because of the emotions they stir up. I just can't imagine the life they live. I don't know any of their stories, but I do wonder.

Atlanta is #1 as far as US cities go for sex trafficking. Not a stat that I'm proud of. I'm not going to quote any more stats, but its a cause that needs many to stand for justice. I'm only just learning about the depth of the issue. It's something I want to know more about, though.

So all of this I bring up to say that I'm not far from these women who are publicly exposing themselves, exploiting not just their bodies but so much more of who they are. I may not be publicly showing my goods, but I can definitely be caught giving more of myself emotionally than what I intend to. I know that I can become more passive than I normally am under a man's attention. I can be more naive then I'd like to admit and don't always stand up for myself. And, truthfully, each time I am confronted by this, I try to analyze the cause and I don't have solid answers, yet anyway. But I'm determined this week to journey through it a little more.

It's not ok for me to get frustrated at what these women who, for unknown reasons and circumstances, are giving a part of who they are to the world at large. Not when I'm equally as capable of choosing to do the same thing or could easily be forced into the same situation.