I've been in LA for 4 months. It seems like forever since I piled my stuff in the car and drove across the bay bridge with tears streaming down my face. And yet it seems like it was not that long ago, either. It's a fine place. I've had some really great times here. I've deepened established friendships and made new ones that I'm so thankful for. I've learned a lot about myself and grown professionally. I'm forever taken aback by the sunrises and sunsets. Yet my heart has not been at peace.
I struggled to make my decision to leave SF, and have anguished over my desire to leave LA. I've had countless conversations to this end. I've analyzed how I make decisions, what I want in my life, and whether or not I should follow my typical m.o., which is to make the best of a situation, or deviate and go for what I want, regardless of whether or not it seems like the most sound, "best" decision. I started exploring options to return. Which led to being presented with options to return. Which then made me face the fact that I had to decide whether or not to return.
Sometimes it's easier to dream about possibilities than to be faced with them. Last week I was faced with the possibility of returning and after a day of mulling over the decision, I decided to go with my heart. A number of thoughts and emotions have ensued since then. It's been hard to accept that my decision has the potential to disappoint people I care about, or to inconvenience them. It's exciting to think of returning home. It's sad to say goodbye to the people who have surrounded me while I've experienced so much in such a short time. I sometimes feel fearful when I consider the other what-ifs that come along with change.
Ultimately, I am looking forward to what's coming next. I am so grateful for the opportunity to return to the place I identify most strongly as home for this season of my life. I can't wait to embrace and grow my SF community. I anticipate becoming more of who I am becoming.
I Left My Heart In San Francisco
The loveliness of Paris seems somehow sadly gay
The glory that was Rome is of another day
I've been terribly alone and forgotten in Manhattan
I'm going home to my city by the Bay
I left my heart in San Francisco
High on a hill, it calls to me
To be where little cable cars climb halfway to the stars
The morning fog may chill the air, I don't care
My love waits there in San Francisco
Above the blue and windy sea
When I come home to you, San Francisco
Your golden sun will shine for me
I struggled to make my decision to leave SF, and have anguished over my desire to leave LA. I've had countless conversations to this end. I've analyzed how I make decisions, what I want in my life, and whether or not I should follow my typical m.o., which is to make the best of a situation, or deviate and go for what I want, regardless of whether or not it seems like the most sound, "best" decision. I started exploring options to return. Which led to being presented with options to return. Which then made me face the fact that I had to decide whether or not to return.
Sometimes it's easier to dream about possibilities than to be faced with them. Last week I was faced with the possibility of returning and after a day of mulling over the decision, I decided to go with my heart. A number of thoughts and emotions have ensued since then. It's been hard to accept that my decision has the potential to disappoint people I care about, or to inconvenience them. It's exciting to think of returning home. It's sad to say goodbye to the people who have surrounded me while I've experienced so much in such a short time. I sometimes feel fearful when I consider the other what-ifs that come along with change.
Ultimately, I am looking forward to what's coming next. I am so grateful for the opportunity to return to the place I identify most strongly as home for this season of my life. I can't wait to embrace and grow my SF community. I anticipate becoming more of who I am becoming.
I Left My Heart In San Francisco
The loveliness of Paris seems somehow sadly gay
The glory that was Rome is of another day
I've been terribly alone and forgotten in Manhattan
I'm going home to my city by the Bay
I left my heart in San Francisco
High on a hill, it calls to me
To be where little cable cars climb halfway to the stars
The morning fog may chill the air, I don't care
My love waits there in San Francisco
Above the blue and windy sea
When I come home to you, San Francisco
Your golden sun will shine for me
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