tonight

Tonight I ran the streets of LA.
I felt good, starting out along Century Park East,
the street quiet and calm.
I turned on Pico, to more energy and traffic.
Then turned on Roxbury, returning to quiet residential.
I ran on Cashio for a bit, taking in the urban residences,
mostly modest homes interspersed with grander properties.
Turning on Robertson, then Olympic brought a stretch of shops and restaurants.
Then came a length of beautiful apartment and townhome buildings.
As I ran along, I looked in windows to see beautifully laid out spaces,
tastefully decorated and comfortably inhabited.
Yes, many of these buildings display the LA architecture I'm most attracted to.
Then I wandered through Roxbury Park and had to stop to walk-
I was overcome by emotion and tears were streaming.
I was heaving, not from exertion but from sobbing.

Tonight I mourn never realizing the LA life I envisioned having.
I mourn leaving the rich friendships I have here.
I mourn the end of the relationship which provided me such support on this journey.

Tonight I recognize the departure from an era of making decisions based primarily on what I want to be when I grow up.
I recognize the freedom I am exercising to make this choice for myself and no one else.
I recognize that I am slightly uncomfortable with this unknown territory, making a choice based primarily on who I am when I'm grown up.

Tonight I feel deeply grateful and acknowledge my fondness for LA.
I feel deeply grateful for how I have grown in this season of my life.
I feel deeply grateful for the opportunity to return to SF.

Tonight I stand in the heart of LA, open.