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It's been over 7 months since I left SF. It's been 4 months since I started nursing school. I've now finished my first semester. 3 more to go and I'll be a registered nurse. Crazy.

I have been reflecting on my experiences since I started this journey. I feel like I've grown a lot and I feel more at home here, but I think I'm still unsettled. It's a different unsettled now, though. I'm at peace with being where I'm at in life, despite not really feeling invested in anything here. I want to try to expand on all my reflections, but not this posting.

There was a point in this where I was acutely grieving all of what I left in SF. My heart hurt so much I didn't know if I could take it. I cried daily for a period of time. The thought of never returning to SF to live was torture, even though I knew that I needed to accept that it was a possibility. I started to think of all the ways I could potentially get back- re-apply to UCSF's nursing school, apply for a summer nursing externship, finish the undergrad part here and try to get into a master's program out there, simply quitting and moving back... I was pretty desperate. Atlanta felt like prison.

I'm not sure exactly when I went from the acute phase to where I'm at now- a place where I still miss what I had, but no longer have an aching heart, definitely don't cry everyday, and am beginning to truly appreciate Atlanta. I think I came to a point of acceptance around Thanksgiving. I have an opportunity to build a community, a life, for however long I'm here. If I am constantly missing SF and all that it held for me, I'm also missing out all Atlanta could hold.

I've been wrestling with my decision to become a nurse practitioner. I never truly considered becoming a doctor. Lately, though, it is something I've been compelled to consider by a few friends who I trust and respect. So I'm weighing out the benefits and sacrifices of it over this holiday break and intend to make a decision before next semester starts. I never anticipated having more questions about what I want to be when I grow up after coming back to school than before. Still, I think it's a good time to ask them, and whatever the outcome, I think it will help me appreciate whatever profession I ultimately choose.

I found out today that UCSF didn't accept me into their nursing program for the second year in a row. A few months ago, it could have been a brutal blow. Today it was merely the closing of a door. I'm thankful that I am able to accept staying at Emory for now if I choose to continue on the path to being a nurse practitioner. Obviously I'm not supposed to be at UCSF right now, if ever.

I went on a long run today. I needed to process some things, especially the rejection letter. While I was out, I passed a shopping center that is being remodeled, but the stores are still open for business. I think that's me. No, I'm not a store, but I do have a lot of things in my life that need remodeling. Thankfully, I'm able to still live life in the midst of it. Enter at your own risk...