It's been over a year since I've moved back to Atlanta. A lot has changed. I've grown. I'm in a very different place now then I was then. It's actually very encouraging to look back over the last year.
Towards the end of this past semester, we had a lecture on grief. When I saw the topic on my syllabus, I thought that it was interesting we had an entire day of lecture devoted to the topic. Grief is such an individual thing and in some ways abstract, so how can you test nursing students about this concept? I really shouldn't be surprised, though, because they can test us on anything and still make it somehow nursing-related. So lecture and test us on it they did.
I remember sitting there, listening, and thinking that I had never truly experienced grief to the extent of which she was describing it until I left SF. My grandma died when I was young, and I've lost friends and animals over the years. I've "lost" other things in my lifetime, but I really wouldn't say I've ever grieved anything deeply. Not until this past year. When the lecturer was talking about some of the things that people experiencing acute grief do, I realized I had done many of the same things. When she talked about the phases, I realized how I had been progressing through them. I wasn't so much interested in the lecture so that I could do well on the test, but it was a good measuring stick- it showed me where I had started and where I've gotten to in this process of building a life in ATL.
I guess it's an interesting concept- grieving the loss of a place, a community, a season of life. I think a lot of people don't realize that it's possible, even if they've actually experienced it. I'm very aware of it now, anyway, and am thankful for the experience. I know that I'll be able to relate more to my patients, family, and friends now when they are grieving. And I'm more knowledgable about how I personally grieve, though it will probably not be exactly the same next time around. And I guess, to an extent, I'm still grieving in some ways- just not acutely.
When I was at SFO last May, preparing to fly to my new home, I cried the entire way from checking in to boarding the plane. People stared and I didn't care. I was a mess. Now when I am at SFO, I smile the whole way through, knowing what's waiting for me when I get out. And it goes both ways. Because even when I'm flying from SFO to ATL, I think about the journey I've been on and smile because I'm thankful for where God has taken me through all of this. As crazy hard as it has been, I'm so thankful.
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1 comment:
it's interesting that you recognize that. i just used you as an example in conversation the other day, explaining to people that we always grieve loss, some things more than others, but any loss is in some way grievous. i think it's valuable that you grieve SF because it means that what you had there was worthwhile. I also think that it's so great that your making a good home in atl. i think that adaptability and the willingness to embrace the new will be so helpful in other areas of your life. i think we'll learn to value the things that we have, but allow them to take there appropriated time and space. I think i've seen you grow at an even faster rate since you've been back in atl, than you did in SF. I think that you gained a lot from your friends in SF, and I hope you realize that the friendship they gave you is now friendship that you have to offer. You seem to be respected and welcome among your peers. and i'm so excited that you're liking the externship! sounds like summer is going to be good to you!
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