humanity

I worked a lot this weekend. We have a lot of kids at the hospital right now, which means many kids who have nutrition needs and you stay at work until you take care of them. I love working in the intensive care unit for many reasons, and that was one of the areas I covered this weekend. Normally there's at least one kid who's there for abuse-related reasons, but I saw a set of twin babies in the unit and 2 other kids outside of the unit who were severely abused. I'm talking a newborn with multiple rib fractures. Another baby with a skull fracture and human bites on his back. I just don't get it. I feel privileged to be a part of getting the kids well (those who actually survive the trauma because some don't), but it makes me sick to my stomach to think of what could be going so wrong in someone's life that they could inflict this on a child.

As I was out running early this morning I was thinking about this. (Yes, I know- some people try not to think when they're exercising. I, on the other hand, have some of my best processing while I'm sweating it out.) If people are inherently going to think of ourselves first, then the motivation behind many of our actions is explained. But I don't see how this accounts the evil that has to be behind starving and beating an infant. While I hate what they've done, my heart goes out to the people who do this because I can't imagine what they've been through to cause them to act in such a way.

I know that I'm completely capable of the same behavior- it's not above me. Still, I have a faith that informs my moral standards which compels me to live differently. What do other people have? I mean, obviously most of us aren't starving and beating our children. Something keeps us from this.

I saw a new client tonight at the eating disorder clinic. She is one of the sickest I've seen in a while in terms of the grip her disease has on her. Our hour long appointment took 1.5 hrs because she was being so open with me and I wanted to capture the opportunity while it was there. I'm not sure why I'm so drawn to the challenge of getting through to a teenager with a raging eating disorder, but I am. Man, do I want her to kick it, for it not to rule her life anymore. I really care about this person who was a stranger when she walked into my office but is no longer. Can I articulate why? No, not really.

I know there are definite answers to my ramblings tonight, but they feel so textbook. Running along the sidewalk this morning, I couldn't get over the complexity of humanity. We're so broken and yet it's beautiful just the same.