dream

Several months ago I was telling my friend that I felt bad that even a month after my Grandpa died, it hadn't hit me that he was gone. I was bracing myself for the holidays, thinking that it would be really challenging. She told me that when she lost her grandpa, it didn't hit her initially either. She misses him at times when she would least expect it. She suggested that it would be the case for me.

I talk to Grandma more now than I used to. She doesn't like talking on the phone, but she has gotten better about it, now that it is an important lifeline to her. I'm planning on going to see her for a quick trip this coming week. Even though she's surrounded by friends, she's still lonely. I can't imagine losing a life partner. It is mostly when I talk to her that I'm reminded that he's gone.

Wednesday I woke up really early in the morning. Immediately it hit me that I had dreamed about Grandpa. He was so happy, so full of life. Grandma was there and they were together. He was offering us communion and I thought how interesting that was, now that he's in the presence of God.

It was the first time he has been my dreams since he died. I couldn't fall back asleep. I do miss him. But, I'm glad to remember the times when he was healthy and vibrant and so thankful he's no longer battling cancer.