losing

I'm grappling with the idea of losing something that I dangerously had believed in for nearly the last year of my life. I've already started the grieving process without definite loss. I guess you can call that self preservation. The loss, if it occurs, will no doubt cause a much greater effect, but since this has been looming for a few months, tucked in the recesses of my mind, I guess I am a little flat of emotion when faced with the possibility. This is mostly frustrating because I expect to be more moved by this situation I face. I expect to be distraught like I was once before when this happened. Yet I can't help that I'm not. I wouldn't go so far to say that I'm a really nostalgic person, but maybe I am. I keep running the wonderful memories through my mind. I'm tracing the path to find out where it took a wrong turn. I'm analyzing my journal entries, revisiting my thoughts and feelings all along. I'm trying to come to terms with losing...