facade

noun

1.

Architecture .

a.

the front of a building, especially an imposing ordecorative one.

b.

any side of a building facing a public way or space and finished accordingly.

2.

a superficial appearance or illusion of something.

I put up the facade, maybe not even intentionally.  It came off as I've got it all together- that my faith is rock solid.  Well, I'd like for it to be, but the truth is that I'm plagued by doubts, fears, and questions.  Sometimes I don't know why I crazy believe what I say I believe.  Sometimes I think it all seems ridiculous.  But it's what I know.  And there's comfort in the known.  Throwing it away for the unknown is a risk I've been unwilling to take.  And so here we are...

Would it change things if you had seen past the facade?  Would my faith be as attractive?  Would you still be as compelled to check out the merits of my faith for yourself?  Or, did you see past the facade, maybe never even seeing it in the first place, and just never let on that this was the case?  It's never been my intention to deceive you, but by not letting on that I have this internal struggle, perhaps that's what I've done.