optimism

One of my future blogs will go back to the beginning of this journey and fill in the blanks, but I've got to work from where I'm at now. So here goes...

I love to talk. Many of you know that. Along with my talking comes a lot of processing out loud. In fact, I usually feel lost without having a sounding board. I really miss my friends in San Francisco, for many reasons, but one of them is having a person face-to-face to unload my thoughts to. I've not been sleeping well for the last 2 weeks and I think a case of a mind that just won't rest is the culprit. This blog is in part due to an effort to release those thoughts.

For all the processing I have done since moving, a lot of it has been in my head. I talk with my family, with a few new friends, and often share tidbits with total strangers. One of the things I find myself sharing is how much I miss my job. Yes, you did hear me say that. I'm not going to lie- it was really challenging and wore me to the ground a lot. But now more than ever I'm thanking God for it. I grew a lot as a dietitian, a professional, and a person. It has given me experiences that I've already used very specifically to help my family. But it's funny how many people have responded when I say I miss it that they thought I hated it. Wow. Note to self: don't only share the negative, difficult parts of life. Give both sides of the story.

And it's only one example. I used to think I was a pretty optimistic person. Now I'm re-evaluating that. The last thing I want to do is only give half of my perspective on my surroundings and cast anything in a more negative light than I really see it. So I'm resolving to do better with this. I can be dirt honest and say things are rough. Really tough. But I also need to equally share how God infuses those situations with hope, sometimes with the simplest things. Hear this as me giving you permission to remind me when I'm venting about something that I also need to share the positives of the situation.

For starters, yesterday I was a little discouraged and really missing all I left out west. The boys I babysit for and I had encountered a few minor disasters during the day. I was tired. When I got home, there was a package in the mail from one of my closest friends. The tears I cried while I was opening it were both from missing her and being thankful for her friendship and thoughtfulness. I decided to go on a run with a local running club last night hoping to simulate the great experiences I had with my club in SF. When I showed up, there was a guy there who I had met at a bike shop a few weeks before. He hadn't mentioned the club at the time, and I hadn't really expected to see him again. His being there meant I wasn't running with total strangers, which would have been fine, but it was really nice to simply have a running buddy who I didn't have to introduce myself to. God's timing is perfect- he knows what we need before we do. So overall, it evens out. Tough day, tough month, tough transition. But in the midst of it, I'm doing just fine.